perseverance.

heyys. its a hot sunday afternn here.. had a great week. ate tons of great food =P baked lots of nice stuff too heh. and bought qt alot of thgs too. sigh dunno what to say, just tht this morning i felt a great sense of motivation to just stick to what ive been called to do, and so i just msged some close frens and asked them for their encouragement and support should i stumble. =) their replies were encouraging. yepp. thanks guys =) sigh. i dunno what izzit about me lah. im lik this super stubborn block tht refuses to give up until im sure there is really no other way out or that ive tried so hard ive grown weary of it. but nope, im certain i havent tried. at least not hard enough..and im determined to try even harder. ive not had enough of trying. i want more. at least more..until ive succeeded in doing whatever im supposed to do. whatever it is, im not giving up.

uhhuhs if you dunno what im talkin about its fine. yeahh. its kinda a boringg afternoon. not much ppl online..and ok, frankly, i was qt hurt when i realised he changed the password without telling me. but ahh what the heck. i cant call or msg him to ask him why can i? guess i just have to live w it. the longer the time, the less of a deal it seems. yeahh. no big deal. cant get stumbled over one irritating password. uhhuhs.

sigh. i shld cheer up...the future is bright. God's on my side (= nthg can bring me dwn. its the hols. my fav hols of the year. should make this period of waiting worthwhile. not one that includes me rotting away and languishing in self pity. yeah seriously i shld go get a life. like..start to grow up. im not that kinda young a kid anymore. its time i start taking thgs in my own stride and just live my life the way im called to live. without complaining too. should make the most out of this period of time. its not everyday u get to wait for someone you love and then know that on e other end, the feelings are mutual too. gotta draw close to God. (i realise ive repeated this for the umpteenth time -howeveruspellit-) really draw close. theres not a greater time as this to get close to God and know Him more. yeah shucks. its not as if He will forsake me of anythg..mann what was i thinkin..ohshucks i was such a nutthead.

-yeah. perseverance-

" the time of trial will be up b4 u know it..=) God will be faithful..so don worry yah.. =) "

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2Cor12:9-10

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -2Thess5:16-18

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. -Hebrews10:36

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. -Romans5:1-5

you know Him?

Crucified

laid behind a stone

You lived to die

rejected and alone

like a rose

trampled on the ground

You took the fall

and thought of me

above all.

You know Him- Jesus? He was the one who did all that. you'd love him if you know him. He rocks my life (= tell me if you wanna know him okay? i'll help you.

+ oh why, did he do such a thg

for dirty sinners like you and me +

loving.

and as i wait

i'll rise up like e eagle

and i will soar with you

your spirit leads me on

by the power of Your love.

God kinda spoke to me during worship today..as we were singing the song "Power of Your love" during service..yep see the words in red above? He kinda made me look at the song lyrics in a different perspective..

"and as i wait" is as if its referring to my wait for this one year.. in other words, God is lik trying to encourage me that even as i wait for this one year to be over, i shld continue to draw closer to God and soar with him and go wherever His spirit leads me, and that this one year can be accomplished by the power of His love. i've nv looked at the lyrics in this perspective, but it makes perfect sense to me now too. qt glad =) im sure tt was God who spoke to me, cuz i was kinda lacking in faith that i can withstand a period as long as one year, but today, God convicted me that with His love, it is possible =D yayys.

ytd went to KAP w fawn and he came over n lunched w us and stayed for qt awhile =) was enjoying myself alot. heh. its weirdd huh. how u can just look at someone and then feel lik smiling for no particular reason..alright =X ermms. after tt xieai woke up at lik 12plus i think, and fawn's medical appointment got cancelled, so in e end the three of us decided to go to town =D like finally. heh. but fawn had to go home n change first cuz shes gg to nj concert after going to twn w us, so i went w her to her house. isaac was home and ohmygosh tht lil kid is sooo cute =P heh. yup, after she changed, we left for town and met xieai. xieai was jealous tht she wasnt at KAP earlier =P and tht she didnt get to see isaac hahas. went shopping..took neos. then fawn n i wanted to buy e racerback xieai got, but we went arnd e entire (well, almost) orchard road and cant find a baleno store aniwhere, and fawn had to go, so xieai and i said we'd buy e racerback for her. then xieai and i went to imm to get it and SHUCKS. they only had one size S for black so in e end we didnt buy it =( guess we'll buy it next week. ohwells. but anw, had great fun ytd =) enjoyed my day lik crazy. thanks guys! (=

then went home and sorted thru my childhood fotos and sorted out qt alot of pics for him..then wrote him a letter to encourage him for the final exams and i gave them to him today..landy and shumay came to church today too! ivin didnt come to church today..miss her =P

hey. hope you like e photos =D missing you tons.

+ i live for You alone +

missingverybadly + healing.

uhhs. i m feeling so utterly -sheesh- i feel lik bashing out at e comp in front of me. its retardeddd. its driving me crazy. nuttts. im going nutts nutts nutts. hahs. sheeeeeeEsh. i miss him ohmygosh. its so bad i feel lik banging my head against e computer screen. hahas. ohnoo. bleahh. i gotta be strong! >.< finee ="D">

-determined. >.<

+ God is the strength of my heart +

missingmissing + healing.

yayys. im in e sch media resource library typing my blog. spposed to be doing pw nw. ermm ok im doing pw now. hahs. sch has officially ended but we have op dry run on wed so yeahhs. feeling qt happy nw. hehs i did my quiet time this morning! =) read another chapter frm his book oso. heh im gonna read one chapter per day..
im feeling kinda boreddd nw. lik boredbored. you know, really bored. think im gnna continue w my cross-stitch later. my relatives are coming to my hse tmr. gonna put up my christmas tree next week! kinda early huhs. nvm lah its fun. and nice (= sigh my frens said e clao paper was tough. i dunno. ohwells. think they will be fine anyhow.
sigh. was kinda sad ytd =( cuz i received some sms saying Pastor Ferdie Flores, a missionary in east timor will be executed today by beating. =( its sad. this world is such a fallen world it sucks. i dn get whats their problem lah. sigh. been praying for that guy..dunno him but my fren found out hes from Bible Baptist Church or sthg. hope he'd be okay, and God will make a miracle somehow. afterall, hes a guy with a heart tts all out to serve God i suppose..God will protect him (= "blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me, for great are your rewards in heaven, for in the same way, they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (ermm i dunno e scripture verse cuz e bible's nt w me, but u get my point yeahh.) sighh. wht is world becoming mann.

aye you, study hard. do me proud. =D

+ oh God let us be, a generation that seeks

that seeks Your face, oh God of Jacob +

missing + healing.

heyys, had piano lessons earlier in e morning..hahas..had a new student today. shes 27!! hehs. then i was feeling kinda ermms. paiseh. =X arhhs. nvm larhs. hahs. aniwae, after lessons, i had lunch, then went to holland v coffeebean to do my quiet time =D was fun k..tho i was alone n stuff, can sense God's presence and stuff. heh i lurf holland v coffee bean =) the place's so cosy and fuzzy and nicee =D
yepps. read e book he gave me ytd. its a good bk! heh. thanks! =D yayy ill read it everyday.. hahas. left e place at arnd five..and went home. yupps. kinda miss him. cuz we've been to tt place lik qt a few times to mug. then lik today hes not there. uhhs. but, its okay i guess (= God's with me. yayys. so yup, im still healing with God's lurf..and im fine =D cheers.
talked to an old fren on e fone ytd nite..hahas kinda got some prompting frm God to call, so i did..then we caught up w each other on our lives n stuff. (e last time i talked to him was lik during church camp) yups then we prayed for each other. hahas. also found out that we once had crushes on each other. =X blahhs. but it doesnt really matter now larh. else he's gonna kill me. hahas =P ah nahh dn worry im loyal k =D hmms. missing you. may God bless you =)

+ i am empty but i know

Your love does not run dry +

never again.

Never again will I confess "I can't", for "I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." -Philippians 4:13

Never again will I confess lack, for "my God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19

Never again will I confess fear, for "God hath not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." -2Timothy 1:7

Never again will I confess doubt and lack of faith, for "God hath given to every man the measure of faith." -Romans 12:3

Never again will I confess weakness, for "The Lord is the strength of my life." -Psalm 27:1

Never again will I confess defeat, for "God always causeth me to triumph in Christ Jesus." -2Corinthians 2:14

Never again will I confess lack of wisdom, for "Christ Jesus is made unto me wisdom from God." -1Corinthians 1:30

Never again will I confess worries and frustrations, for I am "casting all my cares upon Him who careth for me." -1Peter 5:7

Never again will I confess condemnation, for "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

healing.

heyys..havent been blogging for quite some time i guess..life's been pretty okay these days..i got promoted to J2!!! =) qt glad cuz being promoted in itself is a miracle. esp when i didnt exactly mug very hard for my promos. thank God! whew. gotta work harder nw that im blessed w the chance to get to J2. hmms. as the year's drawing to a close soon im feeling uhh. kinda sad. fawn's gg aus next year and i dont want her to go!!! ahh well. cant do anythg abt it i suppose..just pray that God will be w her and that she'll grow in e lord yepps. =D
ytd was the last day of sch for this year..its kinda fast..e way time flies..and lookin back i realise this year's been qt a headache. maybe its because i took a really long time to get accustomed to the stupid jc system, or even the pw crap i hafta go thru, or maybe the amount of stress tht accumulates from lack of sleep and everythg just screwing up all the time..but lookin back, however i dealt with this past year was not exactly the best way to deal w them either. obviously there were thgs i was pretty happy about, lik the breakthrough i had in april, cmw, getting into sfc, church camp etc, but there were many screwup times too, which i cld have prevented. i guess its kinda pointless to regret them now, so i guess i shld just ermm..start anew again and not commit those mistakes which i can avoid. yeahhs.
i really need a new start all over again. this crappy life of mine has been draggin on for way too long. its lik draggin me dwn and pulling me apart and its tiring me lik nthg else. crap i dunno where my logic and common sense went. i dn understand why i cldnt accept thgs e way they were, when nw looking back, i find those thgs pretty logical to understand. its God's plan tht thgs turn out the way they are..no matter how u struggle, its pointless. thgs are meant to turn out that way. if a relationship doesnt work the way others does, so be it. right? why did i have to mull over it and say its unfair, when actually God is working through it to make it into sthg i will not regret in the future. shucks. so dumb of me. ahh nvm at least i realise this nw. better now than later. its never too late to change. =)
yeahh. i guess they do have a point. if you love someone, u'd want God's best for that person, you wouldnt want tht person to stumble, much less drift further away from God. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. shucks it takes alot to realise the true meaning of love.
lols if you dn understand anythg above its ok. u dn have to anyway. i was just thinking, or rather typing aloud. whew i feel much better now. i need God's healing hand upon me. im still suffering frm wounds caused by my own stubborn-ess, my own defiance, but im sure God heals =D yayy. ok really, if you dont understand whats going on, relax. its understandable if you dont, cuz im a pretty random person, and i just fly from one topic to another at an amazingly quick rate. just know this ok? im fine =) im alright. so dont worry. and i will continue to be fine..yeps. with God around, i will be (=

+im falling on my knees

offering all of me

Jesus, You're all this heart is living for+

YOU MUST READ THIS.

hmms. heys. skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner todae. hahs. went to sch early this morning to pain e banner. a christian shop happened to set up a stall at our sch cafe cuz theres a seminar in sch about science and e bible..so fawn n me happened to see tons of nice cards and stuff..and heh we bought them..and i bought a waterbottle too =D cant use nets so i borrowed money frm fawn first. thks fawnn. (=

after painting e banner, we all got a watermelon treat frm joel.heh. then i left for qnstwn library to mug. stayed there for lik 5hours plus. was mugging lik crazy. got qt alot of stuff done =D heh. yayys. was actually feeling qt sad and bitter halfway thru mugging..lik when the numbing effect starts fading off, and everythg sets in again..found myself staring at my notes, trying to fight back the tears in my eyes. kp finding myself on e verge of tears..was trying to fight back e tears for lik 1hour plus. it was horrible..cuz in e end, it was all in vain and e tears just start trickling dwn anyway. its ok cuz i dun think anyone noticed.

anyhow, after tht went to church to meet ivin to go for service. was feeling lik really sad by then. was trying to act fine and happy and all but i guess ivin saw thru it =X heh. gd fren eh =P yups. yayyy marg and yaofeng came to church todae againnn! finally saw ian in church. heh. yup but anyhow, nthg really cheered me up larhs. i wasnt even exactly singing during worship. i dunno what i was doing. i just felt lik my heart was not there, though it yearns to be there. all i know was that i was staring into space, asking God WHY WHY WHY on earth is this happening to me. why give me love and take it awae. why separate us lik that. WHY. why make me suffer when it wasnt even part of my wrongdoing. and the tears just keep trickling dwn. i wanted with all my heart to praise Him and worship him and be filled with his joy. but i simply cant..with all e bitterness inside of me. so i wasnt exactly singing..sermon was good i suppose..but i wasnt exactly listening either. i didnt even bring my notebook.i was just staring into space and tearing even more. thinkin and thinkin. why why WHY. e mere thot of 362 days cld kill. i felt God urging me to go to the reservoir later after service. i dunt know why. i just felt it. i asked him why. but that was all He said.

after service i wasnt intending to go for dinner either. just had no appetite. but ivin forced me to go ntuc to get buns. she said i'd faint if i dun eat =\ okayyys. so went home after tht..on e bus, was thinkin if it was really God telling me to go to the reservoir..like its kinda scary going there alone at nite esp when im a girl and stuff and its lik 9plus already..but i distinctively heard God saying, "Go. I'll protect you." and since since i was basically tearing on e entire bus journey, fighting back the tears, i thot the reservoir's a gd place to cry. so i went.

went to the reservoir, got a seat and sat dwn. the moment i sat dwn i just burst into tears. i just cldnt stop crying. the tears just kept flowing and flowing. i just cried lik no one else's business. there were pple there larh for course. but not much. and i cant be bothered if they know im crying anyway. i was so broken. so torn. so shattered, so ripped apart i cld feel my heart bleeding. so i stayed there for one hour, crying so hard cuz i miss him so badly and yet theres nthg i can do to get to him. its as if im a criminal just because i love him. its as if i ought to feel guilty for loving him. so i stayed there, wrestling with God. demanding a reason for everythg. why i haf to endure all these pain. why e need for such training just so i cld lean on Him and trust in Him. actually i was half thinkin maybe God told me to go to the reservoir cuz He told him to go there too so we might meet or sthg. and i was half hoping i'd see him. but i stayed there for one frigging hour and i kinda gave up hope on that idea. so in e end i was lik thinkin maybe the whole thg was just a fluke. lik maybe God didnt talk to me after all. or even if He did, i dont see anythg special about the reservoir tonite anyhow. so i kinda just prayed resignedly that the both of us will sustain thru this tough time and still emerge together at e end of it all, that God's strength will be w us always. was about to get up and go, but two guys were walkin past and i didnt want them to see the tears in my eyes so i waited for them to walk past. and then. suddenly. i saw it. a shooting star. blue shooting star. shooting across the skie.

when i saw it i was lik WOW this is God moving man! one of the two guys saw it..and he was trying to tell his fren what he saw, but his fren didnt see it, and his fren was denying it, saying hes cock-eyed and stuff. but there was an indian labourer nearby who saw it too. and the guy brought his fren to confirm w the indian labourer that yes, indeed, what they saw was a shooting star. the first thg that hit me when i saw it, was that God was telling me that miracles do happen. suddenly, that glimmer of hope in me was just so strong i just burst into tears again. this time its tears of joy. i suddenly felt God's love so near me. its lik even in my sorrow, He comforts me. i mean, thats a shooting star. no human cld haf shot it. it HAS to be God. even when i wasnt exactly worshipping Him just now, He bore no grudges against me. HE loves me. totally. completely. even when im with so many imperfections. this kinda love.. is super awesome. its undescribable. its just so out-of-e-world. its...crazy. =') nutts. God rocks so much. and i was asking Him if there are more stars to come. the guy was still trying to convince his fren tht there WAS indeed a shooting star and they even sat at a nearby bench to wait and see. as i was about to go before i saw the shooting star, i was asking God if there was more to come. seeing the boys waiting, i wanted to wait too. but you know what? God told me to go. He said, "its not use waiting. i made that shooting star just for you." i was so stunned. i mean at that instant it just dawned on me how right the timing and everythg was. how coincidental everythg was that i saw the shooting star that it cant be just pure coincidence. it was just like a split second. i cld haf missed it. but God made me see it. He asked me to the reservoir for a reason. He showed me the way. the only way is to lean on Him and trust in Him. that He will always provide for me. that in times of need, He'll be my light. He'll create miracles. all i have to do, is to believe in Him. Most imptly, what struck me later on while i was on e way home, was that besides signifying that He creates miracles, the shooting star meant a wish is fulfilled. Its kinda like God telling me that my prayer will be fulfilled. heard of the line, falling stars are the greatest of all, because each time a star falls, a wish is fulfilled? well i did. and God made me feel that way. that i dont hafta worry about the both of us. that He will make a way. for US =D

God is awesome. i love Him. i love Him for creating the most beautiful thgs on earth. i love Him, especially, for always making thgs happen at the exact right timing and making sure there is no ultimate way for us to deny its Him thats working in our midst. i love Him, especially for loving me when im so imperfect, that when theres no shoulder for me to lean on, no one to cry to, Hes there. and whats best, is that He shows it.
thank you God for the shooting star (=